Saturday, July 26, 2008

Drunks On An Airplane

I've recently come across a rather odd event that occured on an airplane traveling from Greece to my beautiful homeland, England. There were a few women that got drunk on the airplane and nearly became the most recent recipients of the Darwin Award. I think everyone should be familiar with he term Darwin Award but in case you are not it means someone who does something incredibly stupid that ends in their demise. In other words the perfect idiots eliminate themselves from the gene pool, hopefully before they've bred. Can you say natural selection?
These two women brought their own alchohol onto the plane and had been drinking and smoking for a while in the loo before going to the bar and demanding more drinks. The barman denied them, and rightfully so considering how intoxicated they were. The women then got loud and obnoxious, cursing and beating a flight attendant with a Vodka bottle. They then went to the door and attempted to open it in order to allow fresh air in. After this absurd gesture the women were collected, held into their seats by the security guards and the plane had to make an emergency landing in Frankfurt. They were arrested but released after a few hours. I guess they can't hold people in jail for being stupid. Thisis one of the most drastic and obnoxious example of human behavior I've seen in quite some time or my name is not Alois Goodall-Cobbleman.

Friday, July 25, 2008

Rednecks Never Learn

I will now embark on a case of stupidity that far exceeds normal human behaviors. Today I will share my studies on the Common Midwestern Redneck. This is a type of human that is most illogical and for the most time suffering from a severe lack of intelligence and common sense. This particular event happened to take place in Wisconsin. It involves the Common Midwestern Redneck, drinking, guns and a lawn mower.
Kieth Walendowski, a 56 year old Common Midwestern Redneck was arrested after shooting his lawn mower with a shotgun. This poor fellow showed a complete lack of common sense and intelligence, which is common with this particular species. It appears Walendowski was attempting to start the lawnmower because he said it wouldn't start when questioned by authorities as to why he did it. This poor, simple, silly little man who hasn't the brains God gave the flies I'm so fond of eating, may spend up to six years in prison and pay $11,000 fine for getting drunk and destroying his own property. Oh well, the Common Midwestern Rednecks never learn.

Wednesday, April 4, 2007

The Rubbish That Is American Idol

I like to watch the program, American Idol with my mumsy. That Simon is quite an amusing fellow, very interesting. The interaction between the judges themselves adds to my research for this site. I was most disappointed this season as it is nothing that it is supposed to be. It's turned into a silly popularity contest instead of a singing competition. Everyone that has the slightest bit of individuality gets removed from the show whilst those with little to no talent at all go on. I didn't like when that silly boy, Sanjaya continued in favor of Sundance. Sure, the guy didn't pick the best songs to sing but he was better than that silly boy. Then Stephanie got kicked off, also more talented that silly boy and that "forgettable" as Simon would put it, Haley who advances on sex appeal alone. Then the fellow that looked like Jack Osbourne got kicked off. He had the same problem as Sundance, a good deal of talent but poor choices. Tonight was a big slap in the face for those of us that actually have an identity of our own. Gina the rocker chick got kicked off in favor of the no talent Haley. At least Gina stayed on key and she had a neat little lizard toy. I'd like to play with something like that. I love toys. Sorry, ADD Jack Russell moment, a little distraction with the toy rambling, getting back now. Even though the producers didn't like her hair, dress or tongue pearcing she left it in anyway because that is who she is. In truth that is all one can ask or expect from anyone, though it is seldom seen and that is to be real. One should be oneself and not pretend to be anything they aren't. Too much emphasis is put on appearences. In reality, people that wear fine clothes and stare down their noses at others because "they aren't our kind of people" are really ugly. Some of the most beautiful people in the world have pearcings, mohawks or deformities. That is something most humans don't understand. Keep trying to help them pups. There is still hope for them. For the meen time, Rock On, Gina.

Monday, April 2, 2007

A Very Sad Act Of Silliness

There was a couple in India who terminated their own physical existance after their dog, Puppy, who was 13 years old departed his physical body. I'm sorry but I just don't understand why humans doo such silly things. Everything else in the natural world struggles to survive at all cost but humans sometimes destroy themselves. It's really rediculous. I'm sure they loved Puppy but he probably wouldn't have wanted them to harm themselves. Perhaps they thought of him as a child since they didn't have any human children. Sometimes humans do things that are so strange only they understand them I suppose.

Saturday, March 31, 2007

Scotland Has a Glut Of Homeless Tripods

There have been many wonderful techniques that have been developed that can save a pet's life after serious injury, usually the cost to the animal is the loss of a limb. Formerly these injuries would have ended in death from the injury or the euthanasia option being chosen. Now there are many pets that are missing limbs but are able to continue with their lives suffering few if and consiquences. A good and loving human companion, like the kind I have, would keep their little fur friend for the rest of his/her life. However, there are the humans who can not stand the look of a "tripod" (said in the most affectionate terms by the way) or just don't want to be bothered anymore. These irresponsible humans abandon their former friends to face their fate on the street, vet office or animal shelter. I ask you, could one be any more cold and unfeeling? They probably can but I'd like to think not. I find humans a rather queer species. They are capably of such compassion and kindness but sometimes inflict unspeakable cruelty upon those in which they share the earth with. Obviously not all humans are bad. However, in all the world humans are the only ones, except Chimpanzees who are so close to being human, that set out to inflict harm on another being without necessarily needing a reason. That's sad. I don't like to think about that. I like to think good, soothing thoughts about my humans playing ball with me. Anyway back to the delama of the tripods. They end up in precarious situations because humans abandoned them. There is a really big problem with tripods running around as strays as well as being left in animal shelters and vets offices. Animals that are tripods can live just as good a quality life as any other dog so if you're able to, consider adopting one. Alois Goodall-Cobbleman

Friday, March 30, 2007

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Preserving Flagship Species:A chance For Action

The Human in the place that is known as the White House, you know the peculiar fellow with the funny accent, wants to reduce funding for the Multinational Species Conservational Fund. This fund helps give money for conservational programs in places that are very poor in order to preserve flagship species. Flagship species is a term for very famous animals people are more likely to care about like Rhinos, Chimpanzees and Tigers to name a few. These species are under threat from poaching, human encroachment, disease and loss of habitat. The Bush administration got a silly idea to cut funding by $2,000,000. Many of the animals supported by the fund will disappear if changes are not made and aid is not given. The support of the fund will also assist humans in these poor areas by bringing in jobs that are involved with ecotourism and conservation. If you, good reader, feel so inclined please write your congressperson to ask them to support the Multinational Species Conservational Fund. Let's keep our wildlife alive and free. In saving animals and wild habitats in turn the humans can save themselves. Here is a link to where one can access information on how to contact your representatives. Thank you for your time, Alois Goodall-Cobbleman.