Drunks On An Airplane

I've recently come across a rather odd event that occured on an airplane traveling from Greece to my beautiful homeland, England. There were a few women that got drunk on the airplane and nearly became the most recent recipients of the Darwin Award. I think everyone should be familiar with he term Darwin Award but in case you are not it means someone who does something incredibly stupid that ends in their demise. In other words the perfect idiots eliminate themselves from the gene pool, hopefully before they've bred. Can you say natural selection?
These two women brought their own alchohol onto the plane and had been drinking and smoking for a while in the loo before going to the bar and demanding more drinks. The barman denied them, and rightfully so considering how intoxicated they were. The women then got loud and obnoxious, cursing and beating a flight attendant with a Vodka bottle. They then went to the door and attempted to open it in order to allow fresh air in. After this absurd gesture the women were collected, held into their seats by the security guards and the plane had to make an emergency landing in Frankfurt. They were arrested but released after a few hours. I guess they can't hold people in jail for being stupid. Thisis one of the most drastic and obnoxious example of human behavior I've seen in quite some time or my name is not Alois Goodall-Cobbleman.

Rednecks Never Learn

I will now embark on a case of stupidity that far exceeds normal human behaviors. Today I will share my studies on the Common Midwestern Redneck. This is a type of human that is most illogical and for the most time suffering from a severe lack of intelligence and common sense. This particular event happened to take place in Wisconsin. It involves the Common Midwestern Redneck, drinking, guns and a lawn mower.
Kieth Walendowski, a 56 year old Common Midwestern Redneck was arrested after shooting his lawn mower with a shotgun. This poor fellow showed a complete lack of common sense and intelligence, which is common with this particular species. It appears Walendowski was attempting to start the lawnmower because he said it wouldn't start when questioned by authorities as to why he did it. This poor, simple, silly little man who hasn't the brains God gave the flies I'm so fond of eating, may spend up to six years in prison and pay $11,000 fine for getting drunk and destroying his own property. Oh well, the Common Midwestern Rednecks never learn.